It has taken me some time to come to be able to write this particular blog and is very difficult to do. This blog is dedicated to my mother, Roberta Hamilton. Mom left us on January 4, 2009, just four weeks ago. I will never forget when the phone rang that morning. I knew what it was and just could not bring myself to get up and answer that phone. There are so many things that I want to say about her and I just don't know where to begin. Like most mothers and daughters, me and mom did not always see eye to eye. I guess we just went through different stages. There was a time that mom and I did not speak much and I just wish that I could have those years back. When you lose someone in your life as important as she was to me then you realize that you cannot sweat the little things. They are not important, the best thing you can do is learn from them and grow as a person. I like to think that she has given me the ability to do that, to be patient, caring, loving, and also forgiving.
I remember my mom as someone that struggled a lot in her life with many things from her health, to finances, to emotions, but she was also a beautiful woman and had a huge heart. One thing that I always knew was that she loved me with all her heart, as she did all of her children. Each of us, Richard, Rose, Me, Michael, and Kristina, had a different kind of relationship with her and each special in its own way. She was very proud of us each for our accomplishments and our families.
Every time Richard would get a promotion at the cancer center she would call and say how proud she was of him and that he was such a hard worker. She trusted his judgement fully, as we all did, when it came to her treatment and for all of us there was just no better thing than to have her receive her treatment at the hospital he was employed at so that she could be close to him. He was so dedicated to her and had a very heavy load to carry, which he did with grace. I'll admit that there were times that I guess I did not have a full understanding of what was happening in regard to her treatment and questioned the treatment that she was receiving. I now know how difficult it was for my brother and I want to say a special thank you to him for everything that he did for mom. I know he will say that he does not need that, that he did it out of his love for her, but he is a wonderful person for what he did and if I ever said anything to him that was offensive, I am sorry from the bottom of my heart.
When Kristina would get a commendation from the Air Force she would just rave about how she was doing. In fact, one of my last conversatoins with her was talking about a copy of a letter that she received about her and she read each line of it to me on the phone.
She was very proud of how far Rose had come in her life and how Rose's grandchildren seemed to change her outlook on life. Rose was there at the end and I am very proud of her as well, she stayed strong when she needed to and I thank her for that as well.
She spoke about how Mike had found a wonderful wife and family that loved him very much and that he seemed very happy. She was very happy when Mike stopped and spent the night at her house in November 2008. She hadn't seen him in some time and was just tickled pink that he was there. She talked about him showing her online what he did for a living and how proud she was of him as well.
I'm sure that she was very proud of me as well. My relationship with her was rocky at times, but in the last couple of years it was wonderful. We talked on the phone all of the time. We also worked for the same company and I can remember having bitch fests about work in general. She taught me how to do the work and was a great teacher. It didn't matter what the question was, she always had the answer. I remember the day that she told me that she had cancer. I tried so hard to be strong, but when I hung up the phone I bawled my eyes out. My approach with her cancer was try to be positive all of the time with her, to keep her spirits up and give her encouragement, but she was the strong one. She always said that she would beat it, always positive and fighting against this aweful disease. She stayed that way until the very end too. I remember shortly after she passed away my niece saying that she was so strong up until she had to be very medicated and I believe that she did that for all of her children and grandchildren, to help us all get through what we all knew was happening. And I believe that she knew what was happening too. I remember one of the lasts times that I visited her I bought her a bouquet of flowers that included a teddy bear. Here she is holding it. I remember the day that this picture was taken. I asked her if she brushed her hair that day and she said that she brushed it 100 strokes each day. We laughed because she had a way of making you smile even in the worst of times.
She loved all of her family very much. I remember her speaking about all of her brothers and sisters and how much she missed them. She loved her mother with all her heart also.
I remember many hard times in our lives, but I also remember many good times, too. I think that the happiest I ever saw her was when she went to Pennsylvania to pick up my brothers from our grandmothers house. She had all her children together again and I think she could have touched the moon. Believe me, there was some adjustment to that, but in the end it was one of the best things that she did for her family and herself. She would do without just so that her children would have the things that they needed. She was also very happy when we had Sunday dinner at Gram and Pop's house. She loved being around her entire family.
This past Saturday we had a "memorial" dinner so to speak, just like Sunday dinners. It was great, all the fmaily together, good people, good food, and in memory of my mom. Most everyone was upbeat and it was good to be around family that I have not seen in a very long time. It think it was exactly as mom would have wanted. A special thank you to my Aunt Sarah for helping organize this and the use of her home. It would not have been possible without her and I love her for that.
I could go on and on here, there is so much that I could tell you about her and maybe some other time I will tell some stories, but I will close with saying that I will love her forever and never, ever forget her. She will be in heart and soul forever. She hated saying goodbye to anyone, so I will never say goodbye, I will just say see you soon. I know she is watching over us now and will be our guardian angel until we join her, wherever and whenever that will be. I love you mom and miss you very much.
My friend's sister passed away in October 2008 and this poem was read at her funeral. I think this poem is very fitting for our family, because our chain will link again.
The Broken Chain
We little knew that morning that God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly,In death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you,You did not go alone;
For part of us went with you,The day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories,Your love is still our guide;
And though we cannot see you,You are always at our side.
Our family chain is broken And nothing seems the same,
But as God calls us one by one,The chain will link again.
Rest in Peace, Mom, see you on the other side.
